August 10, 2012
Had an aha! moment today after commenting on Lori Stone’s blog post, shifting the mood: Why not write a book of comments?
And I want to make sure no one steals my idea, so the title to this post serves as copyright.
Stay tuned for the first comment…
coming to you online real soon!
July 26, 2012
I couldn’t sleep. It was half past one.
I had shut the windows because of the nauseating odour outside; it was hot and sticky, and the nauseating odour was now trapped inside.
I was mad.
But I was already mad before it started to smell.
I had gone to bed at midnight; it was a new habit of mine — I wanted to quit staying up till 5, 6, 7 in the morning, and then sleeping till 11 and not getting enough sunlight. I had been successful at it for a whole week, but last night I was restless. I was mad.
I tried listening to a meditation cd but a bug kept flying recklessly around my head and crashing into my face.
I went to the bathroom, had a pee, looked at myself in the mirror and said, “I am grateful I don’t own a gun.” I laughed.
Instead of going back to the foam mattress on the floor, I grabbed my laptop and headed for the couch.
I checked my emails; a Facebook friend had sent me a private message:
Just wondering… are you always a positive kind of person? And if so, does it come naturally to you? I sort of battle against negativity and yet I am a happy kind of person. A strange combination!
Talk about timing.
Always positive? I try. VERY HARD. Because it ain’t easy. Ha!
Does it come naturally? Ironically, YES. I’m basically a happy-go-lucky, fun-loving, lover-of-life person. But you know what? I’m having more and more difficulty dealing with people. With stupidity. With non-understanding. With non-compassion. ARRRRRGH!!!
So yeah, I battle with negativity also. Actually, I battle with EXPRESSING my negativity. Which is why I should start writing about negativity and drawing about it and just plain putting it out there — MUDD iN YOUR FACE is probably going to help me blurt out a few things.
I’m coming through as pretty damn negative at the moment, aren’t I? LOL. My rock ‘n’ roll side needs to shine!!!
Minutes later, I sent her a P.S.:
Just so you know, the source of my present battle with negativity is a financial one. Since I’ve struggled all my life with depression, I’ve ended up broke after a downhill ride with jobs. So now that I’m free of depression and ready to rock, my energy is at its lowest and this affects my will to pull myself out of the hole.
After being super strong all my life, I’m finding it hard to keep up. Guess I’m tired. Make that “worn out.” And to see everyone around me living the good life is kinda… well… you know. So yeah, I really REALLY need to pull myself out of this rut and GET ROLLING. As soon as my darn B12 and thyroid are regulated, I should have more energy and all that jazz.
And then P.S. NUMERO DOS:
Me again! You’ll wish you never asked me that question.
So you got me thinking, and the answer is YES — I’m always positive!
Phew… feels really good to realize this.
Then what’s my problem?
Mad at my present condition.
Mad that I can’t get out of it quickly.
Mad at a whole bunch of other things, too.
Thanks for helping me clear this up.
And that, folks, was my aha! moment, last night.
July 1, 2012
The above quote gave me a big fat aha! moment, this morning.
It was a soothing balm after yesterday’s blah-ha moment.
My blah-ha feeling came from reading Marilyn Robertson’s blog post, “Creative Habits, Work Environment and Tools of the Trade.” I was blown away by the grasp she has on her ‘creative powers’ — she seems so together, so grounded, so comfortable with her artist self.
The more I read, the more it struck me:
I don’t know who the hell I am!
So I ate an extra large bowl of chocolate-banana ice cream. Then I made myself a huge bowl of popcorn and watched the movie Inception.
Wow, what a movie — LOVED it. Found myself wishing I could ‘dream’ that way. Then thought about re-reading “The Art of Dreaming” by Carlos Castaneda. Then got scared because I know how far my mind can go. Then went back to reading “Zen and the Art of Stand-Up Comedy” in order to get my mind off my mind.
Don’t get me wrong, dear reader and especially Marilyn, I’m not at all discouraged; quite the contrary. I’m grateful to be, at almost 62, living on the edge of insanity… on the brink of discovering who I am.
March 2, 2010
Last week’s BABY STEP — TO TRUST… and let it drip — brought me a steady flow of aha! moments.
It got me to experience the Law of Attraction in all its glory: after what seemed like a never-ending period of doubt and soul-searching — and thanks to my perseverance, my pursuit of non-stop action, and my unwavering focus on creating a better life for myself — I was able to flush a two-thousand-year-old bad karma. Alleluia!
Purged of all negative emotions anchored in the past,
I draw inspiration from the Source and get my fill of creativity.
I AM RICH.
Guided by a very dear friend (a medium who wishes to remain anonymous), I discovered why it was that, over the years, I had slowly sunk myself into poverty.
Following a message she had received for me concerning a past life, my friend gave me the following homework: to write a report about what I had gathered from poverty. The subject haunted me for three days and three nights. The day of our meeting, I wrote twenty pages — handwritten — where I spoke of shame, sorrow, guilt, anger, deception, isolation, anxiety, depression, panic attacks, sadness, boredom, worry, humiliation… but also of understanding, humility, compassion, gratitude.
Once I was done doing this exercise, and after twelve hours of a captivating conversation mixed with King Cole tea, vegetarian spaghetti, and decadent chocolate cake, I felt liberated from the feeling of lack which had afflicted me ever since birth. Not only the lack of financial means, but also the lack of LOVE.
This said, I still have a heck of a lot of work to do in order to pull myself out of the hole I’m in. But I’m confident everything will work out fine… one baby step at a time.
for Notch #2
I only deserve HALF!
I had two goals for February… I only reached one.
My first goal was to create a decent “about me” page on both my English and French sites = failure.
All I did was put up an audio message saying that I would be adding information on a regular basis… to please check in often.
Consequently, as soon as I accomplish this mission, I will receive the other half of the trophy.
My second goal was to create a new habit: S-T-R-E-T-C-H for 20 minutes every day following my morning walk = SUCCESS!
I’m back to my flexible self again and it feels great. Not only do I stretch after my morning walk, but I also do it whenever I need a break from working at the computer or from any other task that requires hours of concentration. Excellent!
CONCLUSION: February was all about introspection and the elimination of old thought patterns. Now that I’ve made peace with poverty, bring on abundance!
RICH RICH RICH
REFERENCES: The 12-Notch Plan — Notch #2 – GOALS for February — Notch #2 – BABY STEPS / Week of February 22 to 28