For me, these days, it’s all about letting it roll.
Monday, I posted a quote by Franz Kafka where he mentions being quiet and still and solitary… and having the world roll in ecstasy at your feet. Here now is Charles Bukowski’s take on life and how it rolls.
“Roll The Dice” —Charles Bukowski
if you’re going to try, go all the
way.
otherwise, don’t even start.
if you’re going to try, go all the
way.
this could mean losing girlfriends,
wives, relatives, jobs and
maybe your mind.
go all the way.
it could mean not eating for 3 or 4 days.
it could mean freezing on a
park bench.
it could mean jail,
it could mean derision,
mockery,
isolation.
isolation is the gift,
all the others are a test of your
endurance, of
how much you really want to
do it.
and you’ll do it
despite rejection and the worst odds
and it will be better than
anything else
you can imagine.
if you’re going to try,
go all the way.
there is no other feeling like
that.
you will be alone with the gods
and the nights will flame with
fire.
do it, do it, do it.
do it.
all the way
all the way.
you will ride life straight to
perfect laughter, it’s
the only good fight
there is.
cautiously, I allowed
myself to feel good
at times.
I found moments of
peace in cheap
rooms
just staring at the
knobs of some
dresser
or listening to the
rain in the
dark.
the less I needed
the better I
felt.
I had never come across the poem “Love After Love.” I had never heard of its author, poet and playwright Derek Walcott. That is, until tonight… when Lady Serendipity offered me Walcott’s words at precisely the right moment I needed them. Lady S worked her magic through another special lady, the Queen of the Pillbugs.
The time will come when, with elation you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat. You will love again the stranger who was your self. Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored for another, who knows you by heart. Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes, peel your own image from the mirror. Sit. Feast on your life.
Beautiful, huh?
*sigh*
Of course, I googled the author and, surprise-surprise, I found out he was born in Castries, St. Lucia. This makes the poem even more touching and meaningful for me because my youngest brother André died in St. Lucia, in a motorcycle accident, in 1994. He was 37. We — me, family & friends — congregated on the island to mourn his passing, celebrate his crazy life, and bury his body at sea.
So yeah, it’s as if my little brother’s whispering the poem in my ear… making sure I remember to love my self.
I am grateful for Vincent Van Gogh because he was the first artist to inspire me.
Mudd Lavoie — unfinished drawing (black ink) late 70s
In the 70s and 80s, I spent a lot of time reading about Van Gogh’s life and trying to reproduce his drawings, his paintings, his style. I also felt a deep connection with him because of how emotionally disturbed and broken he was — I wasn’t ALONE.
I am grateful for Billie Holiday because she had a phenomenal talent and her voice moved me, reeled me. I spent many days and mostly drunken nights listening to her records, singing along… each song a stab to my already bleeding heart. (Somebody… kill me NOW!) Of course, I also felt a deep connection with Billie because of how emotionally disturbed and broken she was.
I am grateful for Jack Kerouac because when I read “On The Road,” I was blown away by his writing and also… you see it coming, don’t you… I felt a deep connection with him because of how emotionally disturbed and broken he was.
I am grateful for Bette Davis because she was such a GREAT actor.
Of course, I also felt a deep connection with the emotionally disturbed and broken characters she played in her films, especially the one in Hush… Hush, Sweet Charlotte because of how radically RAVING MAD she was.
I am grateful for all the emotionally disturbed, passionate, broken, crazy, lunatic, depressed, suicidal, over-the-top artists who share their talents, their thoughts, their work, and bare their body and soul for all of us to see because it’s comforting to realize some people are ALMOST as crazy as me. HA!
